#9 Don't Push❗️

The key to solving multiple social issues and achieving personal growth lies in changing our behavior and influencing the behavior of others.

The problem is... most behavior change is undesired. 

We prefer to carry on behaving as we have always done, the status quo. Changing from our "default mode" to a new one requires too much effort and so we resist it. 

So how can we induce people and even ourselves to change our behavior? 

"There's a good way and a bad way to change behavior" according to Daniel Kahneman, psychologist and Noble Prize Laureate.

Photo: Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Kahneman draws from an insight discovered by psychologist Kurt Lewin who introduced the Force Field Model. 

In it, Lewin describes behavior as something shaped by two forces:

• Driving forces that push us towards a behavior.

• Restraining forces that hold us back from another behavior.

Let's take a look at the two approaches for behavior change. 

1. The bad one. It focuses on asking "how can I get myself/him/her to do this?"

When we want someone to go from doing A to doing B, we have a natural tendency to push them by adding more driving forces. These could be compelling arguments, additional incentives or more "call to actions."

This is not so effective because it adds more stress and tension and does not necessarily lead to change.

2. The good one. It focuses on asking "why am I or he/she not doing B already?" and "how can I make it easier for myself/him/her to do B instead of A?"

By diminishing restricting forces people are willing to change their behavior more easily.

For example, organ donation.

95% of Americans are in favor of being an organ donor but only 58% are registered. Austria's donor registration percentage, on the other hand, is 99%.

What's the difference?

Americans must register to become donors, while Austrians are registered by default, and must opt-out of being donors.

Many initiatives focus on convincing people to register (by adding more driving forces). The problem is they don't remove the restraining forces that prevent people from doing it such as having no time, not being sure where or how to do it, etc.

Because registering is important but not urgent, we never really get around to it.

The Takeaway:

Focus on helping, not convincing. 

By doing so you build more trust and influence on others. Convincing could lead to short-term change but helping solve the big problems behind can lead to long-term change.

Listen!

As soon as people speak, we tune out because we think we know what they’re going to say, or we think we know what they need. The best way to achieve change is by listening and understanding the restraining forces of others.

Change has little to do with motivation and more with removing restraints. 

Motivation does not last. It depends on too many variables like our emotional state or even the day of the week. To achieve a behavioral change in your personal life focus on removing one restraint that can make change easier. For more on this I recommend reading The One Thing.

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Enjoy your weekend and remember to relax!

María Albert